Patiently Tested

Ruchira Darda

“Mumma, why do you like everything to be so proper?” A Junior, my second born, innocently questioned me the other day. He went on to ask, “Why do we have to dress a certain way?” I answered without a moment’s thought, “Because I like it like that, don’t you?” He paused, and didn’t answer my question. Probably, found it redundant to entertain his mother’s rhetoric question. That left me thinking, whether I should be asking these things of my boys. But then I am the mother, if I don’t who will? Isn’t it a parent’s responsibility to teach? Some obvious debate. But Junior had a point too.

The trauma of being home is driving our beloved crazy. Tell me if this statement is true or false for you. In my understanding, it stands true for most. Home that is supposed to be our safe space, a place for us to unwind and be, our very own spot to experience true tranquility is in fact proving to be quite the opposite.

I am certain most of us have dreamt that we are playing part in a thriller movie. Our loved ones, the conspirators, chasing us around the house with pots and pans. Gives me the jitters just to think it.

In the past few weeks of working with teary-eyed mothers and anxious teenagers there has been one common concern, the burden of expectations and the sorrow of being the let down. In the world we were living in two years ago, we all went out of our homes, to work, to study, to have fun and returned to the family with stories, limited expectations and joy. Unfortunately, that escape of eight hours a day has disappeared. We are under a constant scrutiny of our family, and we accept nothing less than perfection from them. Don’t we? When it comes to outsiders, we are open to their inabilities. That’s not the case with our own.

Mothers want their children to be tuned into school and classes like they are watching the latest Disney movie, everything the children are doing should reek of perfection, beautiful handwriting, properly organised tables, diet of everything that is good and of course still be delightful and chirpy. The same mothers are attending workshops on time management, mind management, building focus and reducing distractions. Can you accept that no one can actually do everything right, without losing their mind?

What should we do? BE. Be and let them be too. Understand that being constantly watched and judged is burdening for you and for them. TALK, talk about what you expect and understand their viewpoint too. ASK, ask your self a why, why is it you want things a certain way, or why is it that something is annoying you. You will find the direction to what is it that you need, and how you should achieve it. Leaving you in a happy relationship.

As for me, I know why I want things a certain way, they give me joy. Do my children need to take the burden of it, No. We can work out a give and take. When I need to, I will, when they don’t feel like it, they won’t.