Ready or not, here they go

Ruchira Darda

Are your palms getting sweaty with anxiety and excitement too? I am all nerves right now. Suddenly, I feel like life as I knew it will completely change. It's been two years of living in this structure and now I am used to it. But as everyone fights for return to normalcy, I am fighting to understand what is normal for me. Kids are going back to school on Monday, yes tomorrow. While they are thrilled about it, I am a mess. All nerves, I tell you. I actually liked having them around. Baby A screaming through the headphone to get his teacher’s attention and in turn catching ours. A Junior imitating his elder brother and then finding opportunities to tune into YouTube during school breaks, and his whitewashed look if I entered the classroom at the same time. The in between hugs and kisses tempered with impromptu arguments. I was actually enjoying it. Now, the thought of the new routine is making me wonder, whether the change was really required.

The other day, both the kids walked into my cabin and called for an impromptu meeting.

“Mumma, we need to talk.” It was too cute at that point. I put aside what I was doing.

“You need to let us go to school.”

“I am not sure.” I said.

“I worry for your health and safety.” It was all false, I am anxious to handle the change.

The younger one went, “We need to go, and before you know it, we will be back. Then we will be with you all day long.” They had seen through me, I felt then, when the elder one added, “We are going to miss you too, but we need to be with our friends, and we promise you we will keep our masks on, and wash our hands so you won't have any reason to worry.”

They are growing up. They know me, and they know how to work around the situation. I felt super proud. But … Do you get why I am feeling like this? It's almost like reliving the first time they ever went to school. I stood outside the school for 45 minutes listening to children crying and I knew which voice belonged to my son. Since then, I never wanted to send them to school. Crazy.. My friends surely think I am. And I am sure the kids will soon agree.

I am preparing myself for this new normal. While it would be great for their development, and to get some ‘ME TIME’ for the mommies, I just feel I was too used to this set-up. Phew… breathing nice and slow, I will get there. How are you prepping for this? Are you ready for this change or should I say are you ready to go back to the old ways?