Chrissy Teigen opens up about being a member of 'cancel club' following bullying controversy

American model and TV personality Chrissy Teigen spoke about how she has been feeling, saying she is "depressed" following her public bullying allegations earlier this year.

The model also said that she has "learned a whollllle lot" about cancel culture in the past two months.

The 35-year-old star wrote a long Instagram post on Wednesday about the difficulty she's faced emotionally since multiple allegations of bullying surfaced in the past few months.

"Iiiii don't really know what to say here...just feels so weird to pretend nothing happened in this online world but feel like utter s--t in real life," Teigen began alongside a photo of her legs propped up on the couch.

She added, "Going outside sucks and doesn't feel right, being at home alone with my mind makes my depressed head race. But I do know that however, I'm handling this now isn't the right answer."

The model went on to say she feels "lost" and she wants "to find my place again."

"I need to snap out of this, I desperately wanna communicate with you guys instead of pretending everything is okay. I'm not used to any other way," the once very open celebrity expressed.

She continued, "Cancel club is a fascinating thing and I have learned a whollllle lot. Only a few understand it and it's impossible to know til you're in it. And it's hard to talk about it in that sense because obviously, you sound whiney when you've clearly done something wrong. It just sucks."

"There is no winning. But there never is here anyhow," the mom-of-two added. Teigen expressed her love for fans and said she missed them, writing, "I just needed an honest moment with you because I'm just...tired of being sick with myself all day." "I don't even know if it's good to say any of this because it's gonna get brutally picked apart but I dunno. I can't do this silent s--t anymore!" she said.

Looking for support, the cookbook author wrote, "If you or someone you know has also been cancelled please let me know if there is a cancel club reunion because I could use some time off my couch! Thank u and goodbye I love u."

As per People magazine, over the past few months, Teigen was called out for her past social media posts regarding Courtney Stodden, Lindsay Lohan, Farrah Abraham, and accusations from designer Michael Costello who said she bullied him.

The model penned a public apology to Stodden in May after they wrote a profile published by The Daily Beast and claimed Teigen bullied them.

"Not a lot of people are lucky enough to be held accountable for all their past bulls--- in front of the entire world. I'm mortified and sad at who I used to be. I was an insecure, attention seeking troll," the 'Cravings' author wrote at the time.

She added at the time, "I am ashamed and completely embarrassed at my behavior but that is nothing compared to how I made Courtney feel."

While Stodden said, "I accept her apology and forgive her," the model claimed that Teigen has never issued a private apology, despite claims that she did.

Teigen later wrote an essay penned for Medium in which she apologised following the aftermath of her controversial resurfaced tweets.

"Not a day, not a single moment has passed where I haven't felt the crushing weight of regret for the things I've said in the past," she wrote as she questioned her original motives for her past tweets.

Further down in the piece, she said that "there is simply no excuse for my past horrible tweets. My targets didn't deserve them. No one does." She continued: "Many of them needed empathy, kindness, understanding and support, not my meanness masquerading as a kind of casual, edgy humor. I was a troll, full stop. And I am so sorry."

Teigen then came under fire from Costello, who accused her of bullying him and blacklisting him from the industry.

John Legend defended his wife against Costello after the designer claimed he had messages to prove the abuse, which the singer said were "fabricated."

Teigen later threatened legal action against the designer for the fictional correspondence he posted online.

Amid the controversy, the model stepped away from her voice-over role in 'Never Have I Ever' and her home cleaning and self-care line Safely that she launched with Kris Jenner earlier this year.

( With inputs from ANI )